Subspace, Drop and Self-Care for Submissives

Throughout my time as a Pro-Domme in Salt Lake City, UT, I have seen so many virgins. Well, virgins to the work and also actual virgins...visit my "Sacrificing a Virgin on Easter Sunday" for those juicy details. Due to this, I've decided to start a more education-based blog series for my eager readers to indulge in so that they don't have to scour the internet or use ai to generate an understanding of these terms. Let's just say I'm "old-fashioned" and believe in story telling as a means to educate and create understanding. We can think we understand these words, maybe even come to form our own definitions, but it is in the embodiment and the feeling of concepts within BDSM/Kink that we begin to truly understand what states are being spoken about between two people engaging in a dynamic.

What is Subspace?

Subspace is a state of being (both mind and body) that is generated by the experience of submission. It is a separate 'space' of consciousness stimulated by different experiences. Sometimes those experiences involve pain, turn-on, sensory deprivation or can be trained in long-term dynamics. Subspace can be experienced as a 'bottom' or 'submissive' or 'slave' going quiet, laughing, being unable to move, becoming uncontrollably aroused or in some cases overstimulated to the point where submission can become frightening or even painful (without force).

Story Time:

My long-term slaves and submissives become so used to entering subspace with me that I can say one word (usually their name) and they will instantly fall into subspace with very little to no resistance. This doesn't happen without conscious effort, trust building, training and a pre-disposition to submission or surrender.

One of my favorite moments was in 2020 when I was far away from my first slave. He was living 40 minutes away, so we would FaceTime in order to secure our bond. He was so enraptured with me that I could smile and he would instantly orgasm (without any external stimulation). Not always, only if he was already in subspace and particularly tortured. This slave was special in that he could orgasm over and over again and be ready to orgasm yet again in under ten minutes. Partly biology, but also part of our bond and no...I did not have intercourse with him during this time. Torture comes in many forms, in this case a bond so intense that breathing and a smile from far away could effect him so deeply that he fell instantly into subspace and pleasure. I do miss that one from time to time.

What is Drop?

Drop is what happens after a session or experience ends within BDSM/Kink. Drop is the feeling after the high of the emotions, endorphins and brain chemical dump that happens during a scene. Drop can even happen a few days to a week after a session ends. Drop can feel a myriad of different ways. It can feel like depression, sorrow, exhibit as tears or create tension and aches or even memory loss (it usually comes back though). Drop should be taken seriously and everybody drops differently. Learning your unique style of drop can help both Dommes and submissives mitigate the effects and create aftercare protocol together.

Story Time:

I have a tendency to attract submissives who have served in the military. Many of them are soliders (Marines mostly) and have a deep need to find release and safety. One of these submissives has been seeing me for close to two years regularly and we've grown to understand one another. His drop consists of having no recall of the session/experience until 1-2 weeks later. When the memories of the session do surface, he feels excited and elated that they've come back. He also has some health conditions that create barriers to normal drop mitigation. We work around that by having consistency and chatting before and after the session with some juice to bring his sugars back up.

Self-Care for submissives

If you are a submissive, you must understand that you are also responsible for caring for yourself. A Mistress or Domme can only do so much within the allotted timeframe and any extra access should be compensated. Dommes aren't therapists and we also aren't on call (unless you pay for that and have a generous provider).

Submissives should always know and understand the boundaries between the provider (Dominatrix/Mistress) and their own self-responsibility. Expecting a Domme to walk you through your self-care is not advised, but they can give boundaries and suggestions to you as well as care after the session immediately ends. Again...always within the allotted timeframe.

What You Can Do for Yourself:

1. Learn your submission style and what happens for you during drop. This will help you know when it is happening and then provide you the ability to create space for your own integration.

2. Come prepared to ask your provider about aftercare and plan extra time for aftercare with your provider (Domme/Mistress) if you need it. This is a professional container and the time must be respected.

3. Always have a snack on hand. Sugar, Salt and something that can bring you into a state of comfort inside your body is so important. I recommend juice, chocalte covered almonds (the protein is great), fruit leather or pistachios.

4. Ensure that you take time with the experience either by journaling, meditating or sending a thank you email to your provider (Domme/Mistress) in order to secure the feelings in your mind and body and have something to keep track of as you move along your submissive journey.

5. Ensure that you will receive follow-up communication. Any provider (Domme/Mistress) that doesn't follow up should be reconsidered. Yes, this is a business, but it is a relationship as well. They should always follow up and ask questions and be open to feedback. Especially if you want to see them long-term.

6. Rest. Yes. Really, rest. You just had an incredibly impactful (insert drumbeat) experience. It is important to remember that you are a human and that BDSM/Kink plays with the body and consciousness. Treat your recovery accordingly.

This was written by me, Mx. Novatrix. Using no ai or generated language. I pride myself on being an informed and experienced educator. I love to write and teach and truly hope that this Blog helps you. Whoever you are...find a little more help in navigating what turns you on, lights you up, causes you pain...and pleasure and also let's you know...You're not alone.

XOXO